Cara Sutra invades UberKinky!
This entry was posted on September 8, 2015.
There is nothing wrong with your internets. Do not attempt to adjust your monitor. For the next hour, sit quietly and we will take you on a journey. We repeat: there is nothing wrong with your internets. You are about to participate in a fantastic adventure. What you are about to see is a documented account of an actual invasion. You are about to witness the true account of the day Cara Sutra invaded the erotic fortress that is UberKinky HQ to help kick off our month long birthday celebration.
Cara Sutra is one of our VIP bloggers and on her website you can find a wealth of sex toy reviews, advice and even a little erotica. Every month she churns out reviews of something weird and wonderful for us and she's always there to make me laugh on Twitter all day long (when we should both be working). She's good at what she does and has three ETO awards for Best Erotic Journalist to prove it.
The day started out like any other day in Hull - the sun came out for a bit, couriers delivered and picked up parcels, everyone was hard at work until Miss Cara Sutra herself came rocking up to our door step. No one was safe! We welcomed her in and gave her the grand tour, little did we know what fun and games were about to transpire. First things first we get right down to business. Here we can see Cara telling us like it is when it comes down to her beginner's bondage kit.
Then it's over to our UberKinky customer service department where she helps a customer out with their large Square Peg puppy dog tail. As the saying goes, 'The customer is always right' but soon enough Cara sets them straight and tells them right where they can stick it - with plenty of water-based lubricant of course!
Soon we were off to the warehouse where our hard working pickers and packers were working even faster under Cara's firm tutelage. She took in the sights of our towering shelves seeking out the kinkiest and the UberKinkiest items before she finally found her very own beginner's bondage kit.
On our way upstairs we may have accosted my extremely helpful assistant, Loryn and we may have accidentally tied him up with a bit of Fetish Fantasy Japanese Silk Bondage Rope. Was he really at the wrong place at the wrong time or did he actually enjoy being tied up by two menacing Mistresses? I shall let you decide...
Once we released Loryn from his bonds and he was free to cower in the corner, Cara wanted to see where the UberKinky magic happens. I brought her into the creative and marketing department for UberKinky to get a rare glimpse of the people who work hard every day to bring you the UK's kinkiest sex toys and fetish gear. She met with our copywriters, our graphic designer, our PPC manager our naughty mannequins and even got to see me in action as I answered an emergency enquiry about electro sex.
As we headed back downstairs we remembered there was talk of a dildo war to end all dildo wars. Cara Sutra and I both donned our Kinky Monkey strap on harnesses fully loaded with our Vixen Creations Mustang dildos (mine was the regular Vixen Creations Mustang in caramel colour, hers was the new Mustang Royale in vanilla colour) and made our way out back. Here at UberKinky, our neighbours are used to our shenanigans so when a dildo war broke out no one batted an eyelid. We deployed our dildos and we crossed the streams but in the end our dildos kissed and made up because who really wins in a dildo war? Those who are on the sidelines, that's who!
All that dicking about made us hungry and thirsty! So we headed back inside to rest with a little wine. The night before the invasion I whipped up a batch of my nearly famous ass fisting lube biscuits made with our best selling ass fisting lubricant - Crisco. They looked delicious but I don't think Cara was too impressed with the thought of eating fisting lube. Mmmmm ass fisting lube....
As the day wound down we talked more about business and how we could work together to make something truly amazing. Possibly even amazeballs. We enjoyed more wine as Cara made one final round UberKinky HQ. She stopped to thank our Managing Director Stephanie Taylor for the invite. With our bellies full of ass fisting lube, chocolate and wine, and our hearts filled with an UberKinktastic day it was time to say goodbye and bid her a safe journey back over the Humber Bridge.
Just for fun, how about a video of the dildo war between Cara Sutra and Mistress Victoria?