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What Does BDSM Stand For?




Not au fait with BDSM? Feel as though your vanilla sex life is satisfying enough. Well my friends, BDSM has been around since before the Dark Ages (albeit on the quiet), which, sadly, is where you seem to be stuck! Not sure what it even means? BDSM stands for Bondage & Discipline, Domination & Submission, Sadism & Masochism, and it is an extremely broad term that encompasses many different types of play. It could be anything from wearing a blindfold and engaging in a light spanking to CBT (cock and ball torture) and suspension bondage.

Despite people’s misconceptions, BDSM is more about trust than pain. When that level of trust exceeds the possibility of actual harm, the body experiences incredible psychological and physical responses. Unfortunately, many people still don’t understand the concept of BDSM, labelling it as perverted or dehumanising. Where, in actual fact, the opposite is true; it is one of the most loving and intimate ways to play.

Couples with no connection can and do have meaningless sex all the time. No BDSM ‘scene’ is meaningless; it takes time and communication to choreograph the event in advance. This forges a special bond and enables people/couples to explore their sexuality together.

And remember; it’s not a fetish, it’s a way of life!

 
safety

Safety First!

Your RACK is incredible! No... not that RACK. We are, of course, referring to Risk Aware Consensual Kink...

BDSM is all about consenting adults enjoying themselves, while fully understanding the risks involved. This is often also referred to as SSC; Safe, Sane and Consensual. Unsafe play can cause serious injuries and even induce anxiety attacks. Here at UberKinky, we don’t want that to happen, which is why we’ve devised this informative safety section.

Perhaps most importantly of all, you will need to discuss and agree upon a safe word/action. Remember, your safe word should be practical, don’t choose ‘stop’ or ‘no’ as these words are often used as part of your role play. Safe words absolutely MUST be honoured. Failing to do so could result in serious harm and is tantamount to abuse. Having this in place is like a safety net, however; it is still vitally important to discuss boundaries and limits beforehand. Watch out for signs of nerve damage and check in with each other at regular intervals to ensure all is well.

Follow these simple dos and don’ts and remember; knowledge is power!

safety

Do

  • Agree on a safe word/action in advance
  • Communicate – check in with bottoms to ensure they are happy
  • Set boundaries and ‘limits’ in advance
  • Stop if there are signs of nerve damage – tingling, numbness, tightness or shooting pains
safety

Don't

  • Forget the aftercare
  • Leave bottoms unattended
  • Practice BDSM while under the influence of drugs or alcohol
  • Engage in BDSM if you are injured, impaired or emotionally compromised
 
Why Practice BDSM?

Why Practice BDSM?

Well, why not?!

Contrary to popular belief, BDSM is not purely about pain. It is actually about inspiring intense psychological and physical responses within the body, as a result of carefully applied stimulus. Many forms of BDSM trick the body into thinking it is in actual danger or pain. In order to counteract this, it releases waves of pleasurable endorphins (the body’s natural painkiller), which have an effect similar to morphine or codeine. This sends bottoms into an elated state, which is often compared to ‘runner’s high’. Additionally, increased sensitivity magnifies every single sensation felt. So, whether it’s a luscious lick, sublime suck or sadistic slap, the intensity felt is simply mind-blowing.

When it comes to the emotional impact of BDSM play, it is profound to say the least. BDSM typically involves Dominants taking complete control over and responsibility for the submissive’s happiness and health. This is what we refer to as power exchange. Being at the mercy of someone else and having pleasure/pain completely in their hands is extremely gratifying. It inspires all new feelings of anticipation and helps bottoms to relax into sensations over which they have no control. Similarly, being the one in control is an incredible thrill. In addition, the level of trust required for this type of endeavour is sure to strengthen the bond and emotional connection between you both.

So, don’t you think it’s about time to start practicing what we preach?

Types of BDSM

Types of BDSM

You may not admit it, but you have a type, just like everybody else! One person may get off on a sensual spanking, while another may love the thought of being teased and humiliated. Additionally, some may opt to take the Dominant role, while others seek to submit to another. In some cases a person will change roles, either in the same scene or a different one, this is called ‘switching’. Indeed, there are many different ways to engage in a little bit of brutal BDSM play, but for the purposes of this guide we will further breakdown the three main categories;

Bondage & Dominance
1.

Bondage & Dominance

Get all tied up with your BDSM play! Bondage refers to bottoms being tied or restrained, typically as a means of restricting movement. In some cases it is carried out to enhance the aesthetics in a play session, or for gratification purposes (knots are tied in places that will provide stimulation upon the sub’s movement). Ropes and cuffs are not always used; often straitjackets and other specialised clothing, such as arm binders are worn. More advanced players may engage in suspension bondage, which involves the use of ropes to suspend submissives entirely off the ground.

Dominance & Submission
2.

Dominance & Submission

Now, do as we tell you and you’re guaranteed to get a real taste for BDSM play! Dominance and submission is any scenario where one person tells another person what to do, or otherwise controls their behaviour. This could be anything from pet play to humiliation play. It could even be something as simple as instructing someone what they must do to you sexually when you arrive home from work.

Sadism & Masochism
3.

Sadism & Masochism

This type of play is hard to beat! Sadomasochism is the practice of using pain as a sexual stimulant. The most common form of S & M (and an UberKinky favourite ;)) is impact play. There’s a wide variety of implements that can be used to deliver this painful punishment, all of which are unique in the sensations they provide, from a gentle stroke, to a sharp sting, heavy thud or anything in between. S & M also includes a wide variety of other activities including CBT, electrostimulation and clamping.

For further information about individual activities, check out the UberKinky Essential Guides.

Getting Started

Getting Started

Finally liking the sound of BDSM? Got a taste for the idea of submission? Well, you were bound to wake up and smell the coffee when you discovered all of the supreme sensations on offer! But, where on earth do you start, and how do you touch on the idea with a playmate? Here is the UberKinky step-by-step guide;

RAUNCHY RESEARCH
1.

RAUNCHY RESEARCH

Identify your fantasies, but carefully research what is involved in each one. Imagination has no limits or consequences; reality is very different. It is vital; therefore, that you have in-depth knowledge about what will be undertaken. This is not only to ensure the safety in your play, but also the gratification you get from it. Take a look at the UberKinky Essential Guides for more information.

PICK A PLAYMATE
2.

PICK A PLAYMATE

A BDSM companion must be someone that you trust 100%. It’s not essential that you are in a relationship with that person, but you certainly can be. Make sure you always meet potential new partners in public and vet them thoroughly by meeting numerous times before you take the plunge.

DEVIANT DISCUSSION
3.

DEVIANT DISCUSSION

This is a time to not only discuss what you want from your play, but also what you do not want from it. Talk about fantasies and get each other all hot and sweaty just thinking about it. Be aware; it could take several conversations before submissives feel safe enough to confide in their partner. Set boundaries, specifying ‘hard’ (non-negotiable) and ‘soft’ (some flexibility) limits. You could use a BDSM check list to discover what you would/would not like to try. In order for a scene to be successful, and not cause emotional or physical strain, it is crucial that these rules are adhered to. Sticking to them guarantees to build trust.

PERVERTED PLANNING
4.

PERVERTED PLANNING

A scene must be planned and thoroughly thought out in order to be successful. Think of it as a ‘scene’ in a TV show (only much more exhilarating) that has been scripted and rehearsed in the mind of the actors. It’s important to have in mind exactly how your scene will pan out; what you’d like to happen at the beginning, in the middle and at the end. This can also be used as a basis for making sure all of the correct toys and tools are organised beforehand and within reach.

SLOW & STEADY WINS THE RACE
5.

SLOW & STEADY WINS THE RACE

We know it’s tempting, but don’t rush things! It’s vital that you build up intensity slowly to ensure that no-one gets hurt. It’s a good idea to have a pain scale in place so that Tops to check in with their subs from time to time. And remember; it’s better to end a scene wanting more than needing less!

POST-PLAY ANALYSIS
6.

POST-PLAY ANALYSIS

Check in with each other to confirm that you’re both okay. After you have done so, and provided aftercare where necessary, it’s a good idea to exchange outlooks on how you think your scene went. Did it meet expectations? Was there anything you didn’t like? How could it have gone better? Discussing things is a sure-fire way of fast tracking your way to perfection. If it wasn’t quite what you were expecting, you could always attend a BDSM conference or ‘play party’.

Aftercare

Aftercare

Make sure that aftercare is not an afterthought!

BDSM is both psychologically and physically intense. Whatever type of scene you opt to engage in, it will always take some time for bottoms to readjust and come back to reality. As such, it is vital to make the process as easy and gentle as possible for them. Make sure there is a soft blanket and a bottle of water to hand for rehydration, warmth and comfort. It never hurts to have a couple of pieces of chocolate nearby either; this will replenish blood sugar levels that may have been reduced during your play session.

It is important to provide aftercare for the physical and emotional effects of BDSM. Attend to any cuts, bruises, or abrasions, by applying cream or gel. A soothing massage of the muscles will never go amiss, and taking a shower or bath together can prevent drops in temperature and will gently ease them back to the real world. Allow your playmate to cry or express their emotion in whatever way they feel comfortable. Tops should always be there to provide emotional support and offer cuddles.

Think before you act!


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