Beginner's Guide To Safe Words
So you've decided to come over to the dark side, but you're not quite sure how to practice safe sadism? Well, the first thing you need to do is decide on your safe word/s. You may think that this is a trivial decision, but think again! This is the most important decision you will make for your bondage beginnings.
Your safe word is your safety net. Without it you could easily cross the line between consensual and non consensual, potentially acting out a harmful scene and breaking the trust between you and your playmate. 'No' and 'stop' will be bandied about haphazardly throughout your role play as part of the scene, so how do you know when 'no' actually means 'no'? Well you don't! That's why it is crucial to decide on a safety word or system beforehand.
Listen up UberKinky friends; we have one word for you... SAFETY. A safe word/system is mandatory in any BDSM scene for your (that's right you guessed it!) safety. So what sort of situation might you find yourself in that calls for the use of these fundamental words? To assist you in recognising the importance of your safe word/s, we have devised this list of scenarios that call for speaking out;
- Panic has set in and the bottom wants out now
- The pain has become too intense to bear
- The bottom is being pulled into a scene that they are uncomfortable with
- Breath play is too intense and feels suffocating
- The scene has moved on to another level and the bottom is no longer at ease
- The bottom starts to feel dizzy or nauseated
- The bottom requires a break or wants to discuss something before proceeding (calls for use of a cautionary safe word)
- Agree on your safe word/s prior to beginning your scene
- Only use a safe word when it is necessary - we don't want a 'crying wolf' situation
- Refrain from using the safety word/s if you are at all uncomfortable
- Enter a scene with anyone who does not respect the use of a safe word
So you're sold on the idea that a safe word/system is a necessity, but you are still unsure of how to decide on yours? Well, here at UberKinky our favourite has got to be the traffic light system. It may be an oldie, but it is definitely a goody! This system of safe words promises to steer you in the right direction. Although it is a straight forward concept, we like to make things as simple as possible, so we have broken it down for you below;
"Red" - Stop - the bottom is uncomfortable with the situation and wants to stop immediately.
"Yellow/Amber" - Slow down - the bottom is approaching their limit. This cautionary safe word can also be used to indicate that there is an issue that needs addressing, or that a short break is required.
"Green" - GO, GO, GO - the bottom is completely at ease with the situation and wants more.
If the traffic light system is not for you and you'd prefer a singular word to express your concerns, here are some tips to help you pick the word that best reflects your personality;
- Choose something unusual or funny that will immediately break the scene
- Keep it short and sweet - don't choose a multisyllabic word
- Choose a word that is easy to remember
Many BDSM players actually choose 'safeword' as their safe word as it it is simple, straight to the point and easy to remember.
What if you're enjoying some silent satisfaction while the bottom chows down on an UberKinky gag? Well, it's an unwritten rule that you must decide on an unspoken safe word for this sort of play. We recommend that the bottom decides on this action, otherwise it could easily slip their mind when in subspace. Once again UberKinky is here to lend you a helping hand, so here are a few safe actions to give you some ideas...
- Open and close the hands repeatedly
- Blink the eyes a specified number of times
- Nod/shake the head an agreed number of times
- Ring a small bell
- Snap the fingers
- Grunt a specified number of times
- Drop an item that has been gripped in one hand throughout the scene
- Tap a nearby surface three times.
- Agree on your safe action before you get started
- Make sure that there is a surface nearby if your action requires it
- Use a gag if you haven't agreed on a safe action
Well now you've agreed on your safe word you're good to 'green'! Remember; a safe word/action is there to protect the participants, it should not be used as a pushing point. No matter how experienced you are, this is a security blanket that you must never grow out of!